Q. What did the yogi say to the sandwich vendor at the ball game?
A. Make me one with everything!
After the man received his sandwich, he gave the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor just smiled. The
man, infuriated, demanded, "Where is my change."
The vendor replied, "O, one with everything, change comes from within."
Q. What did the yogi tell the door-to-door salesperson who came to his home selling vacuum cleaners?
A. Too many attachments!
Q. How many Iyengar yogis does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Only one !
BUT, they will need:
a sticky mat
a backless chair
two blocks
five blankets
a bolster
six ropes
two belts
six assorted benches
a bandage
a slant board
two quarter rounds
three weights
one wooden horse
a certificate
Q. What did the sign in the window of the yoga master searching for a new disciple say?
A. Inquire within!
Q. Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia when having his wisdom teeth removed?
A. He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!
The Lone Bat
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What's wrong with you? What are you doing down there?" And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
Meditation
Two good old friends were meeting. "How are you and your family?" asks the one. "Oh we're all fine". The other one answers, "We're all healthy and have work to earn our lives. But how 'bout your son?? is he still workless??" "Not at all", the first one answers, "He's doing meditation now." "Meditation? What's this? What is he doing?" "I don't know it exactly," the first one answers again, "But I'm sure it's better than just sitting down and doing nothing!"
Knock knock
Knock knock
Who's there?
Yoga
Yoga who?
Yoga to try this, it feels amazing.
Gifts
On the anniversary of his birth, devotees of a certain yogi asked what gifts they might bring.
The yogi replied "I wish no gifts, only presence"
--previous in Yoga.com and also Sims Central (who gives credit to Roots and Wings).
A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." --author unknown
Yoga police: "You have the right to remain silent!"
Kundalini Yogi sharpshooter: "Ready, aim, fire!"
Don't just do something -- Sit there!
Time is the best teacher, although it kills the students.
My karma ran over my dogma....
Elbert Hubbard: "We are punished by our sins, not for them."
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied "I wish no gifts, only presence"
Some people talk about finding God, as if He or She could get lost.
Q: What do yoga meditation and an apple peeler have in common?
A: They both take you to the core.
Q: How many contemplative monks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb. One to not change the light bulb. One to neither change nor not change the light bulb.
In yoga, it's just one thing after another -- breath, breath, breath
Q: How many yogis does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Into what?
"I think it would be a good idea." --Mahatma Gandhi when asked what he thought about Western civilization)
The enlightened ones have no boundaries, but respect those of others.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Lily Tomlin: "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
Three Yogis are doing meditative in a remote cave. One day a sound is heard from outside the cave. After about six months, one of the yogis says, "Did you hear that goat?" Once again, there was silence. About a year later, one of the other Yogis says, "That wasn't a goat; it was a mule." Again, there was silence. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing, I'm leaving."
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
--previous from http://swamij.com/jokes.htm.
Bumper Stickers:
Never drive faster than your angel can fly!!"
"I'd rather be in Samadhi"
"Out of body. Will be back in 15 minutes!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
Meditation - You have the right to remain silent.
Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation (Moksha)?
It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !
Did you hear about the yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth. When the dentist asked him if he wanted novocaine. The yogi said "No. I can transcend dental medication."
When two psychic friends met, one said:
"You are fine. How am I ?"
Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping. The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: "Flag is flapping"
A more experienced monk said: "Wind is flapping"
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: "Mind is flapping."
The fourth monk who was the eldest said, visibly annoyed: "Mouths are flapping!"
An aspiring Yogi wanted to find a Guru. He went to an Ashram and his preceptor told him: You can stay here but we have one important rule - all students observe Mouna or vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak in 12 years. After practicing for 12 long years Yoga Asanas, Meditation, a lot of Karma Yoga, etc., the day came when the student could say his one thing or ask his one question.
He said: "The bed is too hard."
He kept going for another 12 years of hard Sadhana and austere discipline and got the opportunity to speak again. He said: "The food is not good."
Twelve more years of hard work and he got to speak again. Here are his words after 36 years of practice: "I quit."
His Guru quickly answered: "Good, all you have been doing anyway is complaining."
How do you make God laugh?
Say: "This is mine".
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